This blog post was inspired by a great discussion had in my group program recently, The Art of Thriving.

So you’ve discovered the perils of sugar and you’ve spent time changing around what you and your family eat. But then grandma or aunty comes over and brings a whole lot of sugary treats. Or you go over to your families place and they offer your kids a whole lot of sugary treats.

How do you deal with these types of situations?

They can definitely get tricky and require some awareness and insight to navigate your way through it, and still keep your relationships in tact.

Good thing is it’s totally possible to change all this around to work in a way you want it to for your family.

First things first is to look at understanding what you’re up against here.

Food is very closely linked with love.

For many reasons, it has become a way for people to show how much they love someone through food (both sugary and non sugary foods). So when you are wanting to challenge this set up, know that you’re going to be dealing with some deeply held beliefs that may get very upset at being challenged. The ‘I don’t want you to feed my kids so much sugar anymore’ may be read as ‘you don’t love me anymore.’

Your responsibility here is in the way you say things, and your awareness that underneath it all there is deeply held good intentions.

You are responsible for the state of mind you’re in when you have a conversation that may challenge this notion, and in the empathy you bring in to the conversation. If you do that from a place of love and kindness and state your boundaries around sugar and your children (of which is your responsibility to do as parent), then you’ve done your job. How they react isn’t on you. However, even if you come from love, they are still likely to be offended as the feeling of having your beliefs and thought systems tampered with – without awareness – can really feel like a personal attack. You can only then give them the space they need to process this change in their own time, while still standing firm in your boundaries.

People create a picture of you in their minds based on your history together. Mostly, this isn’t actually accurate.

But when you confront it by changing your beliefs, behaviours and expectations, people will react in a variety of ways. Some will be supportive, some will be curious, some will be offended. Again, none of this is on you. You can’t be responsible for the way people see you, and you certainly can’t not evolve and change because it may make some people uncomfortable. So again, knowing what you’re responsible for and what you are not, as well as creating the space for them to process and react in their own way (without YOU getting offended because their reaction has nothing to do with you) is one way to handle the situation to keep the connection in tact.

Traditions and cultural beliefs are still just…. thought. And while they may seem like they’re set in stone, they are not. You can challenge them. It may be mighty uncomfortable to do so, but at the end of day, so is feeding our children in a way that sets them up for chronic diseases. Pick your discomfort I say.

So when we know these things, we can come to any conversations with this awareness in mind. I highly recommend you create the time to have the conversation when you’re both in a calm state of mind… not when someone has flown off the handle and is upset. Human beings in this state are emotionally immature, and it is how relationships can become very difficult, very quickly.

Some practical insights on how I dealt with it within my family:

  • I had to be clear and get them to challenge their belief that their job was the spoil my kids with sweet food. Some took it personally at first (it’s not personal, but that’s what we do when we belief systems are challenged). But with persistence and me being very clear, they finally saw they could show their love in millions of other ways.
  • My kids don’t get easter eggs or chocolates ever from my extended family – and anything they do get given from school or parties they bring home and exchange for money to spend on book club.
  • From their extended family they get books, gifts, money or experiences with them.
  • Navigating family functions is done on a case by case basis. I want my kids to be able to make their choices at these irregular events, and experience the natural consequences from their own choices. To me it’s much more important what happens in the family home and in the every day. I don’t make too much of a fuss at occasional family events.

I think there is so much cultural and deep seated connection between love and food, but I can’t unsee what I know is the damage that is done when eating sugar and processed foods. And if that makes people uncomfortable, well it is what it is.

I’m not responsible for their comfort. But as a parent, it’s my responsibility what my children are fed. 

It’s all just things you could play around with it. I think the most important thing to see is that we can challenge the way we do things when we have different information to work with.

If you want to understand more about thought systems (which are essentially what we individually experience the world through), you can real more in this blog here.

I hope that offer’s you some insight on how to handle your situation.

Tracey xx