I get asked a lot to share what I talk about in a more targeted way to our teens.
Usually as a teenager, our parents are rarely the ones we listen to. That’s totally normal. Our job as a parent is to make sure they do have people around them who they will listen to, to guide them and support them when they need it the most. And to be ok with that. This is why I’m sharing a little of the story of my teenage children.
Towards the end of 2021 after 2 years in and out of lock downs in here in Melbourne, my then 15 year old son was struggling mentally. We had noticed because his motivation to engage with us and his brothers had gone, this lack of interest in engaging in the family was very obvious in his energy and demeanour. We talked to him about this, and we were able to show him a little about what was going on inside of him. The struggle with feeling down is very real. Validating what our child is feeling is so important. It is very real to them, and they are doing the best they can.
But we weren’t able to show him as much as his insightful sister did, with writing him this letter. She is 2 years older, and herself found lockdowns very tough. But with tough times comes the opportunity to connect to our innate resilience and strength. We don’t grow through easy times. The tough times are our greatest teachers, if we allow ourselves to be teachable.
Below is the letter she wrote. Perhaps you know someone in your life who needs to read this. Perhaps it is you. Read the letter, then watch my video on Thriving through the teen years and beyond. I hope you are able to see the hope in this, even if you can’t feel it right now.
“I don’t really know what’s going on but I’ve noticed you haven’t been feeling the best mentally. I know exactly how it feels to be in a depression pit (weeds) and have no motivation to do anything at all. I’ve been quite depressed for about 6 months and only recently started to feel better. Gaining that motivation back was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Everything I did felt so hard, going to work, school, and even getting up in the morning felt impossible. Being depressed doesn’t have to be a medical diagnosis, everyone gets depressed and knowing that what you’re feeling is normal and 100% valid is so important to understand.
I know that when you feel this way, it’s easier to just stay sad. It’s easier to stick to old habits and not take care of your mental and physical wellbeing. But getting better is not supposed to be easy. It sucks and it’s the hardest thing you have to face. Accepting that you’re not doing well and accepting you need to make changes is so hard. But it is such a fulfilling feeling being able to wake up in the morning and feel excited for the day. I understand that this might mean nothing to you, because in order to get better you have to want it yourself. Having a support base is so important and having someone you can talk to without worrying about being judged is important. For me that was my friends, Mum, and Fiona my therapist.
I just want you to understand that you are not broken and you don’t need fixing. Everything you’re feeling is normal and it’s the price you have to pay for being a human being. Feel sad and down for as long as you need, but always pick yourself back up. Don’t listen to your thoughts while you’re down there, they are lying to you. You owe it to yourself to be happy and feel good. You are an amazing person who is capable of anything and I hope you start to see that. I love you so much and you will always be my fave little brother.”
Tara, aged 18.