Stress vs Overwhelm, and Why Stress Management Is Not Working
I have a problem with stress. I believe we have missed the mark with our diagnosis of it.
What stress is actually for
Because stress isn’t a problem. It is in fact a beautifully designed innate system keeping us safe from danger. When combined with rest, it is energising, resilience building, and life enhancing. This is the “fight or flight” part of the stress response we might feel when we’re running late for a meeting, about to present on stage, or about to do something for the first time.
We are designed to move through this stress response cycle, then after the danger has passed, return to a grounded sense of calm and readiness. Stress plus rest equals growth.
When the stress response goes wrong
Problems arise when we get in the way of this beautifully designed survival mechanism. This happens in two ways.
- We don’t complete the cycle to return to grounded calm and readiness, including giving our body the nourishment and rest that it needs.
- The situation demands more than we have the capacity for, and our system decides that shutdown is the best chance at survival.
This is what we know as the “freeze” response. Our whole body moves from energy giving, to energy protection. It is a totally different whole body orchestration from fight or flight.
Two reasons your system might shut down
There are two reasons why our entire system might enact this whole system shutdown.
Too little for too long
We have been running on too little nourishment, rest and support, with a lack of self connection, trust or too much doubt for too long. We have essentially been asking more from our system than we have been giving for too long.
Too much too fast
We are hit with too much too quickly. Either one singular event, or multiple events in a row. We may be able to handle losing our job, but losing our job and the death of a loved one could be too much too fast.
For many people, it is a combination of both. Living in a pond of too little for too long, slowly depleting our capacity. Then when we are hit with a large life event, like a car accident, illness, job loss, divorce, or a partner or child’s illness or death, it pushes us over the edge into shutdown.
Why stress management can make overwhelm worse
We cannot thrive in shutdown. Our biology, when we enter into this state, won’t allow it.
It is this distinction between stress and overwhelm (or shutdown) that we need to understand and address, because they require different treatment.
Stress management techniques on a system in overwhelm don’t work, and in fact, can make the problem even worse.
Do you recognise this in yourself?
You’re ticking off your movement, eating “right”, and doing all your practices, yet you’re still exhausted.
This isn’t your fault. You just aren’t addressing the full picture.
If you have been exhausted for a long time, it is also worth seeing your GP to rule out anything medical.
Want some support with this?
If this speaks to you, you are very welcome to book a free strategy session. We can talk about what you need and whether health and life coaching is the right fit.
Keep reading
You might also like Why Nervous System Safety Comes Before Healing and Oxytocin and Safety, the Missing Piece in Healing.
This post is general information and is not medical advice. Please talk to your GP or health practitioner before you change anything about your health. You can read more in my Disclaimer.
Want to go gently? My free guide, Coming Safely Back, explains why you’re exhausted and what your nervous system needs. Get the free guide.